Well, I have been a big ball of emotion this week. There are days I wish I could just talk to someone about all that is on my mind, but then I remember that really no one even knows about any of this yet. I pray and I tell God, but sometimes I wish He was just sitting across from me and I could see His face (I guess this is what you call longing for heaven).
I am longing for Him – for His presence. There are so many things in my life and in the lives of those around me that need His touch. I feel like we need His help desperately. I’m calling on His name to rescue and sometimes the rescuing seems to take too long. I know healing and restoration come in His perfect time, but sometimes this life is hard. Let’s just admit it.
Jobs are hard. Bosses don’t get it. Cancer hits hard. Marriages fall apart. Kids are victims. We all hurt each other. Addiction hurts everyone.
Won’t heaven be beautiful? No pain. Have you ever really even thought about that? What would it be like to not have pain? What would it be like to never have even the slightest tinge of disappointment? Not another tear – EVER! But what I want more than that is His presence. To see Him in all His glory – to feel His presence from everlasting to everlasting.
It wasn’t but about a year ago, I was at a ladies retreat and the speaker raised this question, “If heaven was everything you ever wanted – everything you ever dreamed, but God was not there and you could not experience His presence would you still want to go?” That question rocked my world. Tears ran down my cheeks and I thought about it. I thought hard.
I thought about all my hopes and dreams for heaven. I thought about the people I would see again. I thought about the dolphins that I am sure He has picked out just for me – just because I find them so fascinating and so beautiful. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to the streets of gold I have always envisioned and the huge table spread with the finest foods we have ever tasted or seen. Then I thought about spending forever and ever and ever without Him, this God who I now love so deeply. I realized that no – I wouldn’t want to go if He wasn’t there. I just wouldn’t. I don’t want to be without His presence ever – even if it meant I could have everything else I ever dreamed of…